Tuesday, February 23, 2010

mommabear.

olympic morning just did a little segment on mom's with leah miller, jeanne beker, tanya kim and jay onrait. they were talking about the support of athlete's, like patrick chan's, moms. especially with the sudden, recent death of canadian figure skater joannie's mother the importance of mothers and their unconditional love and support has been very prevalent. the ctvolympics then tweeted "Loving the segment on the importance of Moms this morning. I couldn't do what I do without mine" and it's so true. 

during high school i did not have a good relationship with my mother. i just saw her as naggy, annoying, judgmental, untrustworthy and not understanding. i was a really good kid, but my rebellion came in the form of wanting to switch churches and i take responsibility for being difficult in regards to attending catholic church but we fought a lot about that. kind of silly looking back now. she just didn't understand that she had it great. while my peers were boozing at 15 I just wanted to go to a different church, same general faith, different institution and title. well we have sort of moved past that. it's not totally repaired but what meant the world to me when when my dad acknowledged how blessed i have been to be apart of emmanuel and how he sees it as a really great thing in my life. my attitude towards catholic church has since changed as I have "matured" and now I accept that not only is that the "deal" of being in the family I am in - must attend catholic church until I no longer live under their roof - but I have changed my perception of the (yes, pretty boring) catholic church and how, under all the traditions and annoying rituals, we are worshiping the same god. I don't go to emmanuel because I want to be "baptist" per se. it's just an amazing church where I found a home, a sense of belonging and some great people who love me and support me and are just wonderful. that was our main divide but another big issue between my mom and I and the reason i never opened up to her was because she lives/lived in a more naive world than even me. she was very judgmental towards my peers and didn't seem to understand what other kids my age were doing so if I was ever to mention something about my good friends, the one's she particularly liked, drinking or something she would constantly bring it up, making me regret having ever said anything.

well since I have gone off to university our relationship has completely changed. last year i just realized that my mom should know by now where I stand on certain things and I don't have to hide stuff from her anymore. if she wants to keep judging my friends or attempting to have a say in my life then that's fine whatever. i live an hour away and i don't have to come home or listen to her if i don't want to, I could have built a life here and always be divided from her. but fortunately that was not the case (writing now, all I can say is "THANK GOD!"). i learned pretty quickly instead that I needed my mother, that I wanted her so badly in my life, that i didn't want to be divided from her or my father or my brother. i realized suddenly just how dependent (mostly emotionally) on them I am, and again how much i need them.

now, two years of living away from home for the majority of time, i would say my mom is very, very close to being my best friend. i'm madly in love with both my parents as I have said before, and I can't thank the Lord enough for them. how i have been blessed! two incredible people that I know will always be there for me, who will love me no matter what, who will support me whatever i choose to do with my life. they are amazing, and next to God, they are all I need. knowing that I have them there gives me the power, encouragement, courage, confidence to go out and seek out any ambitions I have, to reach to attain any goals I wish to achieve. i am so looking forward to the days when I will call my momma daily, when she will come and look after my little tater tots; I know she is excited for these times too, a couple years down the road of course. like the ctvolympic tweet said, I could not do what i do without my mom. same is true for me, I could never do it without, and quite frankly, i would never want to.


 
mom & i in montecatini, italy 2007; in whistler, british columbia in 2009.

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