Monday, March 8, 2010


"why are some women barren while the wicked houses full?" - bethany dillon, "the kingdom"

last night at my dear friends birthday dinner we got on the topic of the movie "precious" (seeing as the oscars were on and it was nominated for a few things) I asked the table of future journos around me what the movie was about and if i should see it or not. immediately three of five friends there said, "no allie, you definitely do not want to see it". this naturally would spark my curiousity. i know - and they know - i'm a sheltered soul but why wouldn't i want to see it? "it's so gruesome and just horrible. horrible, horrible," said the always-adorable yamri. why? what's it about? "a girl gets raped and impregnated twice by her dad, her own father," yamri overemphasized. "and he mother abuses her. there is no way anyone's life could be worse. that is the worst."

they were right. i definitely do not want to see that.

our conversation from there grew into hot debate about abortion. is it a woman's choice? should the government have a say? what if you were raped? hello, adoption. is it really for someone else to decide? there shouldn't be rules set against it. if someone wants to get an abortion, they should be able to get an abortion.
while i can understand all these debates, i am definitely taking a no-way-jose stance on it. even if i was raped (which would be the only way i would get preggers pre-marriage) i would just have to live with the constant reminder of that because that baby ain't going no where except maybe into adoption. twelve girls from my high school ended up pregnant - twelve girls! and guess what? they all kept their baby. that's not the problem really. the problem is that these girls seem to go clubbin', whinin' and grindin' on the dance floor just about every weekend. hello, you're a mom. that's so pathetic. your mother's didn't ask you to bring an infant into their lives so they could raise the consequences of your irresponsibility. i have no - zero - sympathy for this. you have sex, you get pregnant, it's your problem and your fault. harsh, i know, sorry, i feel very passionate about this because i am constantly baffled by how people bring children into the world and then disregard them. 

my grandparents had 6 children and while my grandpa was having nervous breakdowns and mental issues somewhere and my grandma lovingly chilled at his side, the kids just raised each other in what was most likely an abuse home. most of them turned out ok, but i know they all still live with scars from their childhoods.  after my grandpa died last year, the whole family sighed a collective sigh of relief and my grandma still longed for her soulmate i became incredibly bitter at the thought, how could someone bring 6 children into the world and raise them in such nonsense and with such a lack of love (as that is the way i see it)? why hadn't grandma ever stood up to grandpa in order to protect her children? why was she so weak? the answer i got from my mom and her brothers: she was just so in love; she was committed to her man. 
i am so excited for when i will have children. not that i'm trying to fast track it, but i think about it all the time and i can't wait to have mini-me's and mini-husband-children but never, ever would i allow my "love" for my husband to come in the way of protecting my children. i know that my mom feels this way too and i guess her upbringing has really put into focus how she doesn't want to be? i dunno. 

i guess what i'm getting at here is that i am completely baffled, speechless, at how many children are brought into the world and then go uncared for. one of my new favourite shows is "life unexpected". it's about a girl who was put into foster care as a baby because her parents were in high school, she has had a terrible run in the system so she's looking to get emancipated so she can be/live on her own at 16. she ends up finding her birth parents, judge gives custody to them who are really still like children themselves and lalala, story unfolds, conflict, conflict, development. these types of things make me think about the line from bethany dillons' song, "the kingdom", posted above. it freaks me out that anyone can have a baby (or many!) and as my friend cole said last night, "the one thing people should have a licence in is parenting" and that is so true.  buuuuuuuut would never happen. even thinking about the kids that i saw at the urban promise club, these families can't really afford to have children but yet they do. and then they live in a crap part of town. where there are gangs, drugs, sex, violence, etc. how do those kids turn out. i pray so much that they beat the odds, but really, how many do?

these thoughts only drive me in life to want to have even more babies ha! i have always wanted a big family because i know that i would love them, care for them, support them, cherish them, just like i have experienced in my family. the fewer children crazy, abusive, irresponsible people can have the better, but that is unlikely to change. they're still popping out kids, while young professionals, the people with money and resources are now choosing more and more to not have kids, oh dear what selfish lives ( offense; to each their own. i just believe that having a family would be super rewarding. i hope that proves true in the future). i think children, working with children, has really been laid on my heart. i love kids, i love families, i love parents (especially my own, and the adopted one's too). i want every child to be loved and treasured and for them to know that they are special.

"you said the weak would be lifted up but maybe just not yet. so while i wait in this flesh and blood i'll learn to lean in."

1 comment:

  1. I want to have kids, but it scares the hell outta me. I'm not ready to raise a child! I haven't even got my own life right.

    People say you'll never be ready, but I'm not even CLOSE to ready!


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