Thursday, April 8, 2010

i wish i could reset my education.

straight up, my education is not going well (that's a major understatement............)

to break it all down, i'm technically in the journalism program, but i don't want to go onto the "joint" part at a college because i know i don't want to be a journalist (and i have heard horrible things about the college part), so instead i was going to go on to double major in english and media - which would utilize my journalism and media credits. this seemed like the perfect solution. keyword being "seemed".

in my first year the way the journalism program worked was that you had two j-courses and then had to fulfill 4 "perspectives" which were environmental, canadian, international and media. i completed all those classes but they ended up being really random. i took: world religions (international) - did poorly in the class (yoooooou try memorizing hundreds of sanskrit, arabic, japanese, and chinese words); canadian literature (canadian... obv) - really enjoyed that class; body in modernity (media - it's an english/visual-performing arts class) - did mediocre; and finally, environmental pollution - did reaaallly poorly. i thought i had it all worked out, really strategizing to take classes that both fulfilled these perspectives but also that went towards my major - english. so as you can see, two of the classes from my perspectives were english so awesome, right? nope.

these are the classes i've taken so far:

world religions (perspective), sociology (elective), enviro pollution (perspective), canadian lit (eng/perspective), journalism 1 (jou/media), journalism 2 (jou/media), humanities blah blah blah (jou requirement), poetry (eng), narrative (eng), critical thinking about writing (eng), native north american lit (eng), body in modernity (eng/perspective), critical journalism (jou/media), covering immigration (jou/media), media & globalization (media), concepts in lit crit (eng), intro to cinema (eng), leisure & lit in the 18th century (eng), film musical (eng).

ok so yay! for english major and having already taken a lot of classes in the program but let's get to the really juicy stuff.

my awesome, sweet, really great, loveitsomuch, amazing school that so wonderfully caters to students needs and really gives back to the kids who fork out thousands and thousands of dollars to be there went and suspended the media program. why? whoo knows! it only existed for a year and i would say that's not even a far amount of time to try something out. no one even knew it existed. they even changed the whole journalism program around last year where instead of choosing a major, or two minors, new journalism students had to take a lot more journalism/media classes, which makes sense, am i right? i'm in second year and i've only written one journalistic thing for school. so where does this absent program leave me? it leaves me with NINE course credits that don't go towards my major - that's a whole years worth of classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if the media program doesn't come back from suspension, what the eff am i supposed to do???? you can't only do one major, you have to double major or do a specialist. i don't want to take 28 english classes! this ghetto school doesn't even offer that many or with that much diversity.... diversity HAH. i mean, yes they're diverse (caribbean lit, contmeporary arab women writers, south asian lit), there just aren't very many classes to choose from. 

but that's not the least of my problems (no, no it gets better)

my gpa is low. i have never been one to get exceptionally high marks, and i don't really expect much on the marks front but it is embarrassingly low, just getting by kind of deal. i always thought that people who dropped were just quitters or rich, but i completely understand now. one two very significant occasions i have experienced the feeling of "omg i have to get out of this class because i am not going to succeed in it" but nope, those haunting numbers now exist on my transcript forever and ever. i asked my mom to "please please pleaaaaaaase let me drop the class" but she told me i was not allowed unless i could replace it with another class. this was two weeks before the semester ended. now i know not to listen to mom. if i'm doing badly in a class or i know i won't succeed i have to runnn, runnnnnnn forest runnnnn, away from that course. i need so badly now to get my gpa up so i can actually go on and do things in life. hell, i can't even do a flippin exchange it's that crappy. wowww, i'm such a failure.

(thank god for missions trips that don't give a crap about your academic future ahha. they'd never ask for my gpa, they don't even really encourage further education lol)

i'm soo bottoming out now. what the eff am i supposed to do? people suggest i take classes downtown but that scares me. those classes are so huge and the campus is so big and i won't knowwww anyone and i don't even understand their course codes or the rules. i don't even know how to look at the courses offered there.

 i wish i wish i wish i could reset my education. even go back to high school (maaaan i miss high school, my glory days - eww how embarrassing that those were my "glory days" - but truly they were, i ruled the school (in my mind at least) now i do nothing school-related coz i'm white and christian and there's like one small group for me and everything else is determined by marks which i've already covered i'm not qualified for!!)

i need guidance. guidance guidance guidance. i wish they had sweet guidance counsellors here that would help me with life's problems. i think in order to get advice here i have to fork out more money. wtf? where did the other $20,000 go!????????????????????????????????????????? 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
what am i doing with my life?

hi rock bottom. gotta go make myself comfortable. gonna be here for a while.

to all my friends and family, i love you. i won't be surfacing for a while (i feel like spongebob squarepants) (i sound high lol, o my i'm delirious - the unintelligence that my gpa indicates is starting to take over me) *queue bubble sounds and drowning*

oh spongebob was from bikini bottom. maybe as i am resurfacing from rock bottom i'll hit bikini bottom for a hamburger or whatever that show is about.

i have to go to sleep now. for a few reasons. (1) i sound crazy and drunk now. (2) i work in the morning - thankfully, after 3 years i'm still pretty good at that and i don't get marked so i appear successful. they also have to pay me whether i'm a d, b- or a+ starbucks partner. (3) i'll start crying if i don't close my eyes and fall asleep now.


k byeeeeee world. goodbye future. goodbye enlightening education. goodbye neat university opportunities. 
*booomcrasssssshrockbottomhome*

7 comments:

  1. Allie , I love you !

    Dont worry, your going somewhere ,
    Im still in highschool and I have nooo idea what I want to do.

    I just want to make money haaha , but seriously.
    Just keep on truckin' girl ,

    and ps- i find you smart :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wanna know a secret?

    Nobody ever knows what they want to do..or how to get to it. That's just life!
    chin up missy, your a smart girl it will come to you when you least expect it!
    :)

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  3. Things are probably not as terrible as you think. Go to the AACC and book an appointment (they're pretty much like guidance counsellors and I'm 90% sure they're free if you're paying tuition.

    I'm also pretty unsure what to do with the media program knocked out... switching to downtown is an option I'm looking at. At least I know I'll be at UTSC for first sem though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AHHHHHH! I'm officially depressed after reading this:D That seriously sucks...... but you'll find a solution for sure, yes the AACC services are free go book an appointment! Let us know how it goes:)
    P.S. too bad you don't want to be a journalist, I think you're a good writer!

    ReplyDelete
  5. ALLIEEEEE <3

    I know how you feel - only I have it worse, I have to meet with the Dean next week :s
    So I might not even get an education

    Don't worry - everything will work itself out :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Holy Crap!
    That sucks Allie. Sorry to hear it.

    To be honest, I've been out of school for 8 years, working my way up in the field I studied for, and I find myself doubting that ALL THE TIME! I think it's part of being human.

    I like to blame Eve, and her eating that apple.

    ReplyDelete
  7. in the end, everything will be ok.
    if it's not ok...it's not the end.

    ReplyDelete

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