Sunday, September 26, 2010

funerals.

tonight I was thinking about death. mostly about funerals and how people come out to celebrate someone's life and remember all the good things about that person.

and while i don't think it's an appropriate time to talk about the bad, it's kind of strange that it's all sugar-coated to make the deceased person seem and sound so great when undoubtedly they made mistakes, created drama, did stupid things, hurt people's feelings and likely that was not all forgiven or put to rest when they were but yet you just sort of ignore it because they're dead.

i don't really know the point i'm trying to make, just sort of thinking.

this may offend my cousins, but i don't really think my grandparents were nice people, or at least nice parents. their death anniversaries were this past week - my grandma's death being last year, my grandpa's being the year before (same day: truly romantic story there). anyways, they brought 6 (really 7) kids into the world and even though they turned out pretty well for the majority, i think they failed on some levels as loving, caring nurturers. in defense of my mom and her family, i completely disagree with the mindset that you choose this life (marrying a mental-unstable alcoholic man), so you have to deal with it (well i don't disagree with that but...). i say, you bring 7 kids into the world you better be willing to throw down if something is a danger to them. i hate that they didn't protect or make my mom feel cared for, that they may have treated her in ways she didn't deserve to be treated. and of course there are two sides to every story and times were different back then, but i am so opposed to people who conceive children and then don't live up to their roles are parents and nurturers. i hate it i hate it i hate it.

so then at their funerals, as all these incredibly supportive people came to show their support and express their condolences (which is so touching and awesome, and it made me so thankful for my friends, family, my mom's coworkers and humanity in general) i couldn't help but think that of the little they know about the deceased (or maybe the lot they know) how much of it actually is good? or are they just saying all these nice flowery things coz that's appropriate? because even though it's not nice to say, and i don't mean they there weren't at all good people, i'm just talking from the point of view that i don't believe that their parenting was right, i have a hard time seeing all the nice things past my 2 year-old experience of them putting coffee on for me after my parents rolled out of the driveway. there's a lot of other inherited pain there. not that i understand all the pain - i never get the full story - but then it also makes me think about how kids stand up for their parents.

these are just thoughts. and again. it's not like my grandparents were always-horrible parents, or horrible people, maybe in their defense they were just susceptible to addictions and often chose those over their kids. or were too in love to consider the fact that that was actually bringing harm to their offspring.

1 comment:

  1. I agree with your opinion on parenting, but when it comes to funerals and death, every funeral is different. Different people, different lives, different hearts, Different stories.
    Maybe we forget how human we are and when death creeps in, we find ways to get out of experiencing it. But celebrating a life at a funeral is not watering down anything. Even if that person was a liar, or a cheater, or an alcoholic. We are all equal to our God.

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