Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- james 1:2-4
i'm trying. i am thankful for this. even though it hurts and my body aches and i physically convulse at the thought of your choices.
even though i feel disgusting. even though i think you're disgusting. even though i don't understand at all how this came to happen to me, or how i ended up here, or how you chose to treat me this way. i am joyful.
not outwardly. and i might not be able to express that for a while. but there is a deep peace and joy here. there is a confidence in His work. and i eagerly await the day when this doesn't hurt or bother me anymore.
until then, Lord, I need you. Lord, i desperately need You.