|picture by perhaluk roma|
confession: my greatest weakness and insecurity in life is my need for the affirmation of others.
being a blogger, and general social media enthusiast, when i'm unaware of this weakness it just eats me up inside. when my appetite is not satisfied with affirmation, it turns into frustration and anger instead, and alienates me from people i care about.
one fortunate thing about my character is that i am pretty self-aware. when i'm angry at the world for not "liking" the status that i thought was super funny, or not acknowledging the three albums of much asked about photos, or for not commenting on a blog post i spent several hours writing, i know that i'm being irrational; that people aren't trying to intentionally hurt my feelings by "ignoring" me.
but even knowing that sometimes doesn't really help calm my jealousy and frustration when i see other people being acknowledged for something i thought of, or something i initiated, or something i place more importance on.
those i's are purposefully bolded. because i know that it's just me, and that the only way i will ever be satisfied in the response of others is if i don't need the response of others.
this selfish need is what reminds me everyday to be in His Word, seeking His more-than-worthy affirmation, when i'm not getting it on social media outlets.
but it only hurts coz i care. and i only care because of my human desire to be accepted and affirmed by others. especially those that are so important to me. and the awareness of this need forces me to recognize that the solution to this dissatisfaction is higher than this world. as long as i am looking "horizontally" (at others), i will never be content "vertically" (with God).
He's sneaky like that.
i need HIM all the time, in order to not "need" THEM all the time.
it's pretty clever actually.